


Beginning of Something Glorious

by Wolfling



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: F/M, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-23
Updated: 2016-11-23
Packaged: 2018-09-01 15:10:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8629039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wolfling/pseuds/Wolfling
Summary: “Just what are you trying to say?” he asked, finding himself hoping a little in spite of himself. “I'm saying that I do care about you – love you – in that way,” Vax said, looking up and meeting Gilmore's gaze without flinching. “I just... didn't think I should. But whether I should or not, I do.”





	

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the lovely artwork done by [justeight](http://justeight.tumblr.com/) for the Critical Role Reverse Bang.

Later on, Gilmore was never able to say exactly how long he'd actively protected the city. Keeping track of time was something he hadn't had the attention or energy to spare for. All he had of both was being poured into maintaining the cloaking barrier as patrols of wyverns swooped around the valley in their search for Whitestone at increasingly shorter intervals. It was long enough that his entire world narrowed to merely the act of keeping the barrier up, everything outside of that effort fading away into so much white noise.

He probably would have kept it up to the point where it drained him not only of magic but also of life if Vax'ildan hadn't literally shaken him out of it, yelling practically in his face that he could stop, the danger was over. He had one vivid memory of the look on Vax's face as he stopped feeding the spell and then everything went black.

When the world began drifting back in it was only reluctantly; Gilmore was aware of laying on a soft surface, the warm weight of somone sitting beside his prone form, long nimble fingers brushing the hair back from his face gently.

He tried to hold himself in the moment, but try as he might though to hold onto it, the world refused to stay, instead slipping from Gilmore's metaphorical grasp, thoughts sliding away even as he tried to think them. Distantly he heard voices, some raised in worry, others calm and soothing. They were familiar he knew, but to put names to them was far too much effort under the weight of the darkness still trying to hold him down. But even without naming them, they made him feel safe enough that when the gentle hand moved to stroke his face and a low voice told him to rest, he stopped fighting and let himself drift off again.

They wouldn't let him drift too far.

 

 

Some time later, though he couldn't say how long, awareness trickled back to him once again. His body seemed to be comprised entirely of stiff and aching muscles that responded only grudgingly to his orders to move, but his first conscious thought was the relief that he was still alive to feel it. For a time, he'd been more than half convinced he wouldn't be.

Gilmore felt the bed shift as someone sat down next to him again and was sure who it was before he even completed the colossal task of opening his eyes.

“This is becoming a habit,” he teased in a voice raspy with exhaustion as he gazed up into Vax's worried face. “Waking up to you watching over me. You're going to give a fellow ideas if you keep it up.”

As he'd hoped, that pulled a faint smile out of Vax though the worry obviously remained. “Easy way to break it, Shaun,” he replied in kind. “Just stop having near death experiences and scaring the shit out of me.”

“Believe me, I'm not planning on taking it up as my new profession,” Gilmore said. Everything ached and he tried to shift a little and stretch out sore muscles, but even that seemed to require more energy than he had at the moment. He grimaced at the discovery. “Weak as a newborn babe is not a good look on anyone, even me.”

“I'm not Pike, but I can maybe help with that a little,” Vax offered, not waiting for an answer before laying a hand on Gilmore's chest, right over his heart. There was a brief glow around his fingers and Gilmore felt the telltale tingle of divine magic as the aches eased just a bit. It felt familiar in a distant way that made him think this wasn't the first time Vax had laid hands on him, which conversely made the aches seem to ease even more.

“My dear Vax'ildan, always so full of surprises,” he teased, breathing a little easier afterwards. He paused and added, “The main battle went well? I'm assuming so since we're sitting here in a city that is not currently on fire.”

“Thordak is no more,” Vax replied, voice practically dripping with satisfaction with that statement.

“And the others?”

“There were far too many close calls, but at the end we were all still standing, more or less,” Vax said, the relief Gilmore felt at that statement matching the expression on Vax's face.

“I never expected any less,” Gilmore said, trying to sound confident instead of relieved. He wasn't sure how successful he was at that. He caught Vax's gaze with his own. “I told you we'd see each other again.”

Vax smiled briefly but it quickly fell from his face, a look full of nerves and worry taking its place. “You know seeing each other again only works if you stay alive too,” he said. “It's not fair to practically order me to not die and then ignore your own advice.”

“That would have been rather shitty of me, wouldn't it?” Gilmore agreed. “Though I will point out I didn't go around preparing to die, tying up all my loose ends before this so everything would be nice and neat when I did.”

Vax grimaced at that. “Yeah, maybe that was... overly dramatic. But I just didn't want to have any regrets if things went all to shit.”

“The only time you shouldn't have regrets when you die is when you're doing it of old age in bed surrounded by everyone you love,” Gilmore said. “Any other death is always going to be regrettable. Especially if it's yours.” He paused. “Or mine.” He tried to give him one of his glorious business grins. “Especially mine.”

“I can't argue with that,” Vax admitted. “At least that last part. To come home from finally downing that fucker of a dragon with all of us still alive only to have you collapse once the danger's past...” He trailed off, swallowed then started again. “I'm the one who's supposed to be doing the stupid risking my life thing, not you.”

“As much as you might try to, you haven't cornered the market on stupid and life risking,” Gilmore chided gently. “We both did what was necessary because if we didn't things would have been far worse. And,” he made a little 'ta da' gesture, less extravagant than his norm, “we're both still here so maybe the world is a little closer to perfect than it was before, no?”

“Yeah,” Vax said, looking like he wanted to continue, but instead he stopped after that and looked down at his hands.

It made Gilmore focus sharpen on his friend. “Vax'ildan?”

Vax gave a small self effacing laugh that was more air than sound. “There's something I need to tell you and I swear I'm not being willfully difficult. I just... I'm not good at this sort of thing.” Another of those breathy laughs. “Obviously.”

Gilmore started to get an inkling that this was another conversation like several they'd already had and tried to head it off at the pass. As much as he was happy to have Vax's friendship, he could do with a little bit less revisiting of what could have beens. “It's alright,” he said, as soothingly as he could manage. “I know you care for me – as a friend. As I do you. Any other feelings I may have won't affect that. We don't need to have this discussion again.”

“We do,” Vax insisted, suddenly very intent. “Because I'm not good at this sort of thing and I... may have misled both of us. I don't love you as a friend.” Before Gilmore could feel more than an instant of dismay, Vax was continuing with a grimace. “I mean _just_ a friend. I thought I could make it that, but feelings don't work that way.”

That sounded like... something that Gilmore wasn't prepared just yet to believe. He really didn't want to go out of his way to have his hopes dashed and his heart broken even more than it already had been. But still... “Just what are you trying to say?” he asked, finding himself hoping a little in spite of himself.

“I'm saying that I do care about you – love you – in that way,” Vax said, looking up and meeting Gilmore's gaze without flinching. “I just... didn't think I _should_. But whether I should or not, I do.”

Gilmore took that in, savoring the words and letting them soothe a little of the heartache that associated itself with Vax, even if they weren't able to alleviate it completely. The situation, after all, was complicated. “What about Keyleth?”

Vax blinked at him, startled. “You knew it was-?”

“You're not as hard to read as you might think,” Gilmore replied with a tiny smile. Truthfully, Vax had done an admirable job about not letting on who it was he was in love with – at least when he was talking to Gilmore. But there had been times where Gilmore had had the chance to observe Vax and the rest of Vox Machina when Vax wasn't aware of his regard and in those moments the object of his affections had been all too obvious.

“Oh.” Vax paused as if digesting this revelation before offering, “I would have told you who it was, but that seemed... cruel, somehow. Besides, when we first discussed it I wasn't sure of how she felt about me and it didn't seem right to talk about it when there wasn't anything really beyond my own feelings to talk about.”

“I take it that there's more than your own feelings to talk about now?” Gilmore asked, fairly certain he knew the answer, though that made how he should react to Vax's confession far more complicated.

“Oh yes.” The smile that accompanied that answer was one of pure unmitigated happiness, an expression that Gilmore always wished to see on Vax's face. He was only a little jealous that he wasn't the cause of it. Just a little.

“I'm very glad to hear that, Vax,” he said, and meant it, despite the little pang of regret he felt. “But that brings me back to my original question in light of your confession – what about Keyleth?”

Surprisingly the smile stayed in place on Vax's face, even if it softened a little at the edges. “She's the one who convinced me I needed to talk to you about this. She said if we could take a chance on love, then I should take a chance with you too.”

Gilmore blinked, trying to picture this conversation. “She did?”

“You look like how I felt when she said it,” Vax said, amused. “She did. Apparently polyamorous relationships are pretty normal among the Ashari.” He chuckled softly. “If not that actual term for them. We were both relieved when we clarified it had nothing to do with squirrels.”

There was a story there, one that Gilmore absolutely wanted to hear, but not as much as he wanted to pursue the current topic. Or _needed_ might be the more proper word, given how fast his heart seemed to be beating as the possible implications sunk in. “So what does this mean?”

“I suppose ultimately that all depends on you,” Vax told him. “Just because Keyleth is alright with me wanting both of you doesn't mean you need to be. I'm fully aware that it's selfish of me to even ask that of you, but...” He gave a half shrug and a soft sigh before visibly steeling himself and looking up to meet Gilmore's gaze. “Apparently I am that selfish.”

“I'm not sure I'd call having a heart big enough for two loves being selfish,” Gilmore chided him gently because this man, _this man_ , just got more and more amazing the longer Gilmore knew him and the only one that didn't seem to know that was Vax.

That drew a faint trace of a smile to Vax's lips in response. “Maybe not, but it's presumptuous at least.”

Gilmore tilted his head in a way that could be interpreted as agreement. “I suppose that all depends really. What will you do if I say no, that I'm not willing to share?”

It was fascinating really to watch how Vax's whole being seemed to slump inward at the question. “I'd respect that of course. I'll remember that a man far smarter than me once told me that heartbreaks come but they also go. And I'll remind myself I'm grateful for the connection we do have,” he said, echoing Gilmore's words back to him.

Gilmore watched him in silence for a moment, which was as long as he could stand to have Vax thinking he was rejecting him. “Vax'ildan,” he all but purred, waiting until Vax made eye contact with him again. “You're right, I am a smart man. Smart enough to know that the only answer you give when someone offers you your heart's desire is a resounding unrestrained yes.”

He watched as Vax blinked and then another smile of unmitigated happiness slowly spread across his face. This one Gilmore liked even more though because he was the one who had put it there. “Heart's desire, eh?”

“Well, one of them at any rate,” Gilmore said, ramping up all his most flirtatious mannerisms that he'd been so deliberately toning down in Vax's presence. “You're not the only thing I desire, but if I had to make a list you would be close to the top.”

“I should probably do something about that then,” Vax suggested, his smile turning heated and teasing and oh, how Gilmore wanted to take him fully up on that offer.

“Trust me, my dear Vax'ildan,” he said, reaching for Vax's hand. “There is nothing I would like more. But as much as the spirit is willing, the flesh is _exhausted_. I fear any attempt to take this further right now is doomed to disappoint both of us.”

“I don't think you could ever disappoint me,” Vax said with a sincerity that made Gilmore's heart ache, but in a far better way than it had been. “But you're right, I should let you rest.”

He made to get up and Gilmore reflexively tightened his grip on Vax's hand, not willing to let him leave it at that. “You don't have to go,” he said, wincing inwardly at how needy he thought he sounded. “I mean, feel free to leave if you want – I know watching me sleep can't be the most stimulating of pastimes but...” Gilmore softened his tone. “I... would appreciate it if you stayed.”

“Of course I'll stay,” Vax replied instantly, the words and the tone of voice they were delivered in wrapping around Gilmore like a warm blanket.

“Thank you. There's just one more thing you could do then, if you're so inclined,” Gilmore said, turning their joined hands around so that he could use the hold to tug Vax close enough to kiss.

Vax complied readily and it was everything Gilmore had hoped it would be.

This kiss was a thousand times better than the first kiss they had shared back in Emon before dragons had made the world explode. That kiss had marked an ending of something that never was, but this one, this one marked a beginning of something that was weird, and wonderful and real.

Whatever happened next, they'd figure it out together. And, Gilmore thought, it was going to be _glorious_.

 

**Author's Note:**

> You find my tumblr [here](fwolfling.tumblr.com)


End file.
